Friendships lost

Something that I’ve always had trouble with is coping with is lost friendships.  I always hold on way longer than the other person.  I recently had a fallout with a friend of mine.  It was clear that the effort that I was putting in was double or triple the amount of effort she makes with me.   I am a little embarrassed at what I had did to mark the end of our, what I thought was a, close relationship.

If I was with anyone else, other than my current boyfriend, I think I would crawl right back to that friendship.  Apologizing for making a big deal of something out of nothing.  But then the day came when my boyfriend said, “why are you entertaining this person, when she doesn’t do the same for you?”.

He was right.  Why should I spend my time on someone that clearly thought that brushing me off was easy even though I spent months trying to get everyone to come out?  From that day on, I vowed not to make an effort with her (not out of spite) but for my own mental health.  I looked at it this way, if she were a guy that I was interested in and he was ‘just not that into me’, why would I stay ogling?  I wouldn’t.  I’d move on.

Someone once said, as you get older, you find out who your real friends are.  I didn’t learn this until this year (can you believe it?), when I realized that those people that I always put effort into talking to, meeting and even buying gifts for, who seem to never return the favour aren’t worth my time because they aren’t my real friends.  Those people that always picked up when I called them or called me to go out for a walk; they are my real friends.  I have to stop making myself upset over people that don’t love me the way that I would love them.

This has proven to be extremely hard for me.  I understand, sometimes, as you grow up, having time becomes harder for people to manage seeing their friends.  Yes, sometimes people grow apart.  But if you blatantly blow me off for something you rather do, that’s not cool.

Something that I learned about myself is that I want everyone to like me.  Well, not anymore.  Not trying to be harsh (but probably slightly bitter), they can go fuck themselves.

Wow.  Sorry.  Rant over.

But I hope you learned something from this too.  As they say, don’t hold on to toxic relationships.  This applies to both love interests and friendships.


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